eri-chan (eri_chan) wrote in confess_to_us,

I'm new :)

Good morning ladies, and thanks for accepting me :) I'm pretty sure I know at least some of you, but I'm looking forward to getting to know those of you that I don't.

I think the rules said to post your app when you join, so here's mine -
First Name and LJ Name: Erica eri_chan

Birthdate and age: 24, born on July 26, 1982

Location: Deer Park, NY

Reason(s) for wanting to join: I used to have a sex-stories journal that was focused on BDSM, because I was in my first real D/s relationship and wanted to post aabout it as a learning tool, partially, and also just as a way to externalize a lot of what i was feeling at the time and keep a record of my experiences that I could look back on. Recently my boyfriend released me from service (though we are still together and as much in love as ever) so I deleted that journal..... but I still enjoy writing about sex, and sharing my experiences with others, and reading about other's experiences.... and although I have a filter on my personal journal, I feel somewhat limited in what I can really write about there. I'm used to writing graphically and openly, and I think this would be someplace that I could be comfortable doing so. Also, sometimes I just want to get feedback on one thing or another, and a lot of the people on my f-list aren't great with that sort of thing, so I figure a new discussion group is never a bad thing.

Sexy secret: I've been whipped with a chain during sex.... and liked it.

How you found out about our community: I'm pretty sure tinyflame told me about it once, but I've sort of found myself here more than once through people's profiles and I finally just decided to join. :)

Picture of you:
Just me...

...and me with my boyfriend, lover, and best friend, Justin.


And, by way of introduction, I thought I'd x-post an entry from my personal journal. ;)

Most women would take offense at many of the things he calls me... but not me.

We could be lying in bed naked and tangled up in one another, or just sitting side by side on the couch, or talking to each other across the kitchen while cooking dinner..... the words could be used in jest, or in passion, or in that matter-of-fact "I only speak the truth" tone that he uses so often... it doesn't matter. When he calls me a bitch. or a whore, or a slut, I get this tingling thrill down my spine - a physical sensation of pure joy, of being recognized and loved for being exactly what I am.

Forget society's definition of the words - to me, those words imply an understanding of the depth of myself which I am willing to give for my lover's pleasure. The show me that he knows how much I love and want him, and how much I am willing to do and endure in order to please him. His appreciation of that side of me is a reflection of my appreciation of him.

"You'll always be my little whore," he pauses, and shivers run right through to my core - but its the next words that leave me completely undone - "...and I love it."

There is nothing but 100% truth in his words - I am not just a whore. I am HIS whore. I am HIS slut. I am HIS lover, HIS object, HIS posession. I give myself over into his hands and into his arms and into his love, and lose myself in the wonder that he is. God, how could I be anything BUT a whore when he's lying beside me, naked, his cock hard and his hand between my legs. And when he tells me, so confidently and so openly, that he knows I am this, that I belong to him..... its hard sometimes to hold back tears.

Over a year and a half, its been, and I'm still so utterly enthralled with him - still so goddamned desperate to please him, to make him feel as good as he makes me feel, to give him even a small piece of the ecstasy he gives me. I still can't believe, sometimes, that he loves ME, that he wants ME, that he thinks I'm sexy and beautiful and, yes, his little whore.

Before any of this, we made love - all I can remember clearly is his body above me, his arms wrapped so tightly around me that I felt like we were becoming one person (something he's admitted to dreaming of in the past), his mouth pressed to the side of my throat.... surrounded in warmth and softness and incomparable passion. Making love to him is like nothing I've ever experienced with anyone else before - its almost spiritual. The feel of his arms around me, so strong and safe, his breath hot against my ear... "Jesus, you feel fucking incredible..."

"Tell me you love me, Justin..."

"God, I love you, Erica..... I love you...."

Gradually the mood shifts, and we fall into the roles that have become so comfortable and natural to us. Thats when I become his slut, his "little whore". Abd when I finally come, his hands close around my throat, warm and strong and safe, holding me steady when the rest of my body feels like its bursting apart.... and I don't even notice that I can't breathe, that my cries have gone silent from lack of air, that I can no longer see anything but a dark blur. For those few seconds that feel like eternity, all I can sense are his hands around my throat, his voice growling at me to "fuck him like the slut I am", and the molten electricity of pleasure that flows through my veins.

And then he releases me, and I collapse forward onto his chest, and became aware of myself again..... but still, all I really notice is his arm around me, his cheek against mine, and his body beneath me. I don't exist as a separate person in that moment - all I know, is him.

And thats when he says it - "You'll always be my little whore." And I melt into his arms, speechless with happiness, because with him, thats what I CAN be.

Let the rest of the world think what they want; I'm proud to be a slut.... as long as I can always be HIS.
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